Wednesday, December 12, 2007

To be or not to be?

To be or not to be that is the question. The subject to be or not to be pregnant. I had my wonderful annual about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I was talking to her about my headaches I get with my wonderful monthly friend. I am beginning to think they are hormonal, obviously if that is when I get them. Well I told her I don't want to go on any kind of birth control, cause I know people have said that will help alleviate them. My reasoning is this. It took us 3 years to get pregnant with our daughter. We did all the testing to make sure there wasn't anything wrong. I had a very emotional time those three years especially the last one. I was stressed out a good year of that trying, when my brothers were in Iraq. And I started to not like my job. Well I got a new job and my brothers came home. Still nothing. That is when I began to think I was going crazy. I had 2 people that got pregant that I had major issues with. The one was not fit to be parents and I still think that way now. I just couldn't understand why we couldn't have the chance to be parents. I ask the Lord almost daily why can't we show you that we could be good parents and raise our child to know you and follow you. Then the days would come every month when I would cry for 24-48 hrs straight and get mad at the wrong person. Emotionally I couldn't take it anymore. My husband thought it was all his fault and he wouldn't talk about it. I need to talk about it. I went to a doctors appointment in tears and told them I thought I was turning into a nut case. They said no you are right were you are suppose to be. I thought that was a nut case answer. I finally watched a baby story that changed my way of thinking. The couple were both married before. The husband had been told in his first marriage that he wouldn't be able to have kids because his count was so low. So when he got remarried they were okay with the fact that they would probably never have kids. The story was for their second child. I don't know why that made me relax but it did. I think it was maybe a month month and a half later that we were pregnant.

So I told my dr that that is why I don't want to go on birth control. Because when Kaylee turns two I want to either be pregnant or start trying. She look at me and said I don't think you should wait until she is two. I think that you should start trying now and if your not pregnant by april you need to call us. So I don't know if I should activelly try or just wait and see. I am ready but I would also like to loose some weight before I get pregnant again. So I am running circles in my mind. To be pregnant or not to be, that is the question.


martha said...

maybe you just need to let it happen in its own time and not worry about the "perfection" of it all (ie. your weight, the timing,etc.)
sometimes, when you aren't consciously "trying", but just enjoying your relationship with your husband, it can be a pleasant side-effect. he might be happier about the whole situation as well. many men i know don't like the whole "trying for a baby" concept b/c it makes them feel like a baby making machine and not a person.
obviously, it's a decision for the 2 of you, but it sounds like the last time, things got pretty intense.
since you aren't pregnant yet, you get start eating right and doing all the healthy things you would do if you were pregnant (including exercise). if it happens, fine. it not, you aren't in a rush so you can "just" enjoy sex with your husband:) sounds like a win-win. m

Kari said...

Here's my opinion, you wanted to know right??

I think that Kaylee is old enough now that you should let nature take over. Like Martha said, keep eating right and exercising. If the weight comes off in the meantime, great! If you get pregnant right away, great! Either way, you are working toward your "goal". I know how hard the years of infertility were on you and Mike. I hope this time around goes a lot smoother. I don't think you should pressure on yourself that you should be pregnant by a certain date. When it happens, it happens. I know that's easy to say from my standpoint, but I think relaxing and letting it happen on its own is the key.

Dawn said...

I know I need to just let things happen. And I do plan on it. I am not going to start counting days again and put mike on vitamins and such like before. I just a little indecisive yet. I am ready and I agree with the doctor. So I just need to quit thinking it over and start to enjoy my husband and forget about things. I am not going to stress over it this time like last time. I don't have time to stress. My daughter keeps that from happening.

Jamey said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!! Yes that kitchen set took us forever to put together! I do like it now that it is together and my husband did all the work. Our daughter loves it and has played with it a lot. I read a little of your blog and it sounds like you have a tough question! You got some good advice here and it sounds like you know what you need to do, but sometimes it's not so easy to do even when you know it's what you should do! Good luck!!

Jennifer said...

.... hmmmm.... we don't have kids yet, but as a lady who has been told since she was 14 that having kids "naturally" may not be possible ~ my answer is... pray.

it's simple, to the point, and always gets results according to the perfect will of your life.

Groenewold Family said...

I am kinda in the same boat as you.. I have other medical issues and we may not be able to have more children. I have a two year old now, so we are trying and its hard because my doc. gave us a time limit of 6-8 months to get pregnant.. I would just let nature takes it course.. if it happens it happens and it will be a wonderful blessing.. :)