Saturday, February 21, 2009


I am trying to understand a subject that will never be understood. Why are babies taken to soon? They are so little and innocent, they deserve a better chance at life. We have so many advances in technology and medical advances these days. So why do babies still crash bad and fast if we have all these things. I am sure you are wondering why I am writing this.

No this doesn't have anything to do with the little one in my belly. He is just fine. He is moving as much as space allows him, which isn't alot anymore. He likes to push I am thinking his butt and hoping not his head against my ribs. I am all baby that is for sure and I think he is going to be bigger than Kaylee was.

So why am I talking about babies leaving us too soon. My good friend was in the hospital New Years day cause her water broke. She was only 22 weeks along. She was going to be in the hospital for the remainder of her pregnancy. Two weeks later the placenta started pulling away from the uterine wall. They had to do an emergency c-section. She was at that point 24 weeks and 3 or 4 days along. A viable baby is considered 24 weeks. Christopher came into the world really early. He was doing good though. He was just over a pound at birth. Right after she had him I got sick. So I knew I couldn't go see him. That lasted 2 weeks. I felt so bad cause I couldn't go. But I didn't want to take the chance of him getting sick. Then after that I got a huge cold sore on my lip. Well I knew I couldn't go and see him yet again. So instead his mom and I had dinner a week ago. She showed me pics of him. He was just over 2 pounds a week ago. He was doing so good. He had no other medical problems other than he was very early. Which I know could change at any minute with that early of a birth. Yesterday was not a good day. I got a text from his mom at 10:14 am saying he wasn't doing good. I talked to his uncle at 10:45am and he was no longer with us. I don't understand why babies have to crash so fast it makes a person's head spin. He ended up with any infection in his bowel. They did surgery, remove half of his small bowel and put a colostomy in. The dr's said the next 24 hrs could be crucial. They said that the infection then killed off the rest of his bowel and caused him to go into cardiac arrest. This was her last child. She physically can't have anymore kids. Yes she has 2 of her own and her husband has 2 of his own. This was their first together. And for him his only boy.

I feel so guilty for lots of reasons. 1 that I didn't get a chance to go down and see him. I have a dr appt on Tues and I was going to go see him then. 2 i feel so bad that I still have a healthy baby growing in my belly and I am going to have a healthy baby to bring home. I know I have been told by SEVERAL people that I shouldn't feel guilty for that, even she told me that. Her words to me where I want you to keep your little guy in there and healthy. Which I think would be so hard to say after losing your own baby. So why do babies have to be taken so soon?

I really know the answer, but I just think it is so unfair. I know that he is in a better place. The lord has taken him under his wing. That he is a full term baby now and is happy and healthy. It just sucks. This is the 2nd baby that has had association with us that has died since being pregnant. Granted this one is alot closer to me than the last one.

I am sorry for the sad post. I needed to talked about it though. My husband isn't comfortable with the subject. And I need to get my feelings out so I don't work myself up and cause problems in my pregnancy. So I thought this would be a good place to get my thoughts and feelings out. I knew blogger world would be supportive so this is why I choose here to talk about it. Thank you for listening. I promise my next post will be a happy one.


Jamey said...

Dawn...I am so sorry about Christopher. That is one of the hardest parts of my job. I have seen way too many babies leave their parents too soon! It's always heart breaking and I always ask the same question. Why??? We will never know, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason. God knows the bigger plan and we just have to trust that. You're right, Christopher is in a better place. But it's still hard for those of you left on earth that knew him or his family so well.

Don't feel guilty...just take advantage of every moment that you have with your family. In our line of work you know that time with our loved ones might not last as long as we want it to.

I hope you feel better after venting in the "blog world"! My husband is the same way...he really doesn't want to hear much about that kind of stuff.

Kari said...

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through's hard on you to be the supportive friend while dealing with your "guilt" at the same time.

One thing to come of this is that you will treasure your baby even more, because you know how precious a healthy baby is.

Take care,